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Friday, April 16, 2010
 There is this one guy, who never made it out of my heart. From the very first eye contact we made, I sort of knew, knew that, IMMA GONNA LOVE HIM SO MUCH.
It's been lky almost 2years. Nothing changes.
Except that, he gets deeper & deeper into my heart.
Like it's stuck in the mud, you find it so hard to pull it out.
Friends? Yes. Best of the friends? Yes too.Soulmates? Maybe.But, we never made it to be in LOVE.I was never a dare-devil when it comes to "ILOVEYOU".
My friends always tell me,
"There's nothing to be afraid, just go for it. You never know, he might
be the one. You have to try."
I told her,
"But you never knew, I am not afraid of rejections, I am just afraid,
we can't even be friends. I'd rather remain status quo."
Confession either lead you to a start or to an end.
It's a gamble, a gamble that i never dared to risk.
Sometimes, he would call.
Sometimes, we have nothing to speak.
Just asking some random things,then silence.
It would end in just awhile. But it was all enough for me.
But sometimes, we could talk like everything. From A-Z.
Our conversations always sounds so cheery.
The only times when the laughters are missing is when he's down.
He would tell me how he loved and missed her.
I, on the other side of the phone, trying hard to hide my sadness and
consoling him and telling him some 'love philosophy'.
He is one person, whom I will never get it right.
I never know, when he mean it & when he don't.
Sometimes, I am so afraid to believe his words,
cos I'll only hurt myself even more.
But as times passes, I've learnt to be strong.
Hiding my tears with my laughters.
Hoping my laughters would cheer him up a little.
Up till today, I've started to understand/realise many things.
Like, wewouldneverbetogther.I'd always have this little glimmer of hope,
that miracles do happen. I know, ILLUSION.
I've told myself many times, GIVE UP & LET IT GO.
But, how much determination & strength does one need to really do that?
I've tried, giving him the cold shoulder a few times.
Building up walls between me & him.
Maybe he could sense me doing all this.
he could just break the walls so easily.
I don't know when I'll really get him outta of my heart.
I am not having any hope nor wishing for any miracle.
Life goes on & it will, until he's gone from my heart.
Right now, I'm just doing my best to cherish our friendship. :)
________________________________________P/S : just an urge to express all out.
P/P/S: i am still a happy kid! :)
4:28 AM
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